[Story]: THE RICH, THE POOR, THE MISERABLE LOVE (Episode 8) TrendyVoice

14 September 2016





Everything capable of going wrong will go wrong, Murphy’s Law of sort, not intended to rob us of hope but to challenge us into making sure, at all cost, that nothing goes wrong. In my case, I couldn’t meet up with the challenge and indeed all hopes evaporated into thin air as I sat gobsmacked in my perspiring cluelessness. I am capable of many things in life, but I’m not very capable of lies. I try my best in meeting up with the standard of 21st century lying demands but I can never be as good as most people I know. Mary just left, flaunting the topography of her buttocks, and I wouldn’t lie, no, I wouldn’t deny that I didn’t feel like kissing her dimpled cheeks after intruding into her nirvana from that massive rump of hers, no fragment of affection existed in my true heart towards her though. Wasn’t that crossing my mind in my true love’s presence? Damboroba! No man is capable of absolute faithfulness.

Aunt Arike stood there too, and I hated her for being at where she was when she was where she was. Toro’s velocity at drawing from the cooler had drastically slowed down at the event of this strange woman calling her boyfriend ‘baby’ and saying we were supposed to be at her house. Wasn’t that a bit spectacularly outlandish?

“No, huh, it was…” I was totally brainwashed by the involuntary formatting of my response drive. I looked at Toro; she was looking back at me, probably hungry for explanation. My ears travelled far and picked the laughter of Mary with someone outside, not that that had had any importance but I guess my system was just malfunctioning. I never knew the office could be so cold, albeit I never ceased to sweat.

“Let’s go now, will you? And I’m not releasing you till tomorrow.” That was Aunt Arike in her insurgent adamancy.

What the…

“But—” the brake continued to prove incapable of halting my journey of dumbfounded cluelessness.

Well, stupid things are called stupid because there are intelligent opposites of them, so are stupid troubles, intelligent solutions. The door opened and someone appeared at the door, of course a stressed face but a reliever to my dumbstruck spines; it was Phillips.

“Mr. Adebayo, what’s up? I’m ready now,” he said.

I wanted to ask, ready for what? But then it came to me that Phillips was probably saying that just for saying sake and probably to save me because he probably knew I was probably on the horns of a dilemma, probably. Then I said something I would later be mocked for later.

“Ah, Mr. Phillips, there’s no cause for control, everything is under alarm,” instead of there’s no cause for alarm, everything is under control. “Aunt Arike and I were to go somewhere but as much as I’d like to, we have to… save the world first.”

Save the world or what did I just say?

“I thought you’ll come and meet me at my office, why haven’t you? I hate to walk up here when it’s this sunny, no, I don’t want excuses today. We can’t postpone it again! We have to go now or you’re no more a member.”


This guy!

“Everyone will have to release Mr. Adebayo to me please, I’m so sorry, I invite you too Aunt Arike, the more the merrier, Mr. Adebayo and I have to join some Rotary guys on some town charity mission. We’ll start from morgues, then orphanages, and finally hospitals, I promise you’ll be back by Saturday.”

Wow! I was like, yes, this guy was a beautiful boy. Aunt Arike was just looking at him, hoping to see that we were only kidding and weren’t serious but not knowing exactly what to think and probably what to hope we were not thinking.

“My most adorable Aunt Arike baby,” that was me being silly, “I promise some other time, we’ll go together, I promise. I have to go to this ch—arity mission, I’ve delayed it for quite a while and... I’ve almost forgotten about it despite my promises, silly me. But I have to go now, please. I’ve gone too far to lose my membership now.”

She sagged and sighed. Most adorable Aunt Arike my foot! She was not buying it, I knew, but I guess she must have considered the possibility of its realness and had thought it would be unwise to spoil the good colours of the promising romance out of imprudent paranoia.

“Okay then,” she said finally. “But it’s a promise, right?”
“Yes, it is,” I nodded frantically.
“Oh no, Aunt Arike, you should join us please.” That was Phillips and I was surreptitiously like àwé yíí, mámà dá wàhálà sílè kèè.
“Ah—ah!” she giggled submissively. “Morgues? I can’t. Spare me.”

Phillips was smart. Who would like to go to a morgue when she could be at some seaside spicing her life with cocktails? She turned to leave but then she halted, turned back and ambled a bit towards me.

“You haven’t introduced her to me? Is this my in-law?” she asked stridently, referring to Toro.

Ah! Again! What’s wrong with this woman!

“She’s my friend. Toro, come, let me introduce you to Aunt Arike, my number-one mum in this school. Beware of her though, she’s too sweet.”

I saw Phillips nodded briefly and smiled, guess he liked what I just said. Toro smiled and extended her hand. Aunt Arike was arrogantly hesitant but shook her hand anyway. She smiled too. I guess things were turning out well. She turned to leave but then again stopped at the door. What again for God’s sake! She strolled back towards me and then gestured to me to call her.

“Bye, sweetheart,” she said.
“Okay, I’ll call you,” responded I, and then she closed the door behind her.
“Tag along lass, we only threw that prank to escape our school mum,” Phillips told Toro, “we’re not going to any charity event.”

She would either guess the truth or accept the lie we painted as truth, but left the school we did for a clubhouse Phillips took us to by a car from where God knew where he got it.

“Aunt Arike must be really pissed at me right now, should I send a smiling emoticon?” I was whispering behind him.
And he was like, “send nothing to her and keep shut.”

Toro’s hand was on my shoulders when we got to Kenny Atmosphere, a clubhouse which was quite expensive for people like Phillips and I but Phillips would only amaze me more when he screamed, “Yippee, all drinks on me!” as we flocked in.

There were no much young guys at Kenny Atmosphere but there were still some guys, you would find them in the pool, swimming with all their cups at the mouth of water, being sipped every now and then. Something usually amaze me about people that swim in public pools, they get so excited one would wonder if the water was laced with madness magic, guess at that moment, being half naked with opposite sex made them feel unusually alive. I couldn’t swim even though I wanted to, because of my lean stature, I always found it impractical to walk shirtless outside, I mean, who wouldn’t say, wow, this guy is thin! All the girlfriends I’ve dated have said it, “lepa” every time we went unclad, mtchewww… awkward remark. Honestly, I’ve tried my best to put on weight; but I guess my body and fat are just sworn enemies.

The whole place was carpeted in rugs, it wasn’t actually a fabric rug, it was rubber or perhaps plastic of sort, I guess that’s the kind of rug they use in stadia, it was pretty. We settled under an umbrella of two chairs after drawing a third, Phillips took beer, Toro took small stout, I took Fayrouz, they laughed at me. Every now and then, I looked at this girl and felt strangely happy. Love is a language nobody needs to learn before understanding, I sat right there and I couldn’t name how I felt, but I knew what I felt, and whatever it was, I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want sex, not again at that moment, I didn’t want a rich girl to nourish my purse; the girl who sat next to me, that was what I wanted, who I wanted. Her presence brought intense happiness to me, and at that moment, fear of Mary and Aunt Arike dried away from my head.

The phone beeped to live and I checked the message; it was a Bank alert, somebody just paid 450, 000 Naira into my account. I was firstly taken aback before I remembered we sent my account information to someone.

“Toro, it seems the person has sent it,” I reported.
“What?” she asked, swiftly looking back at me from this funny girl someone was teaching how to swim.

Phillips stood and wandered off, tapping on his phone.

“I think the person we sent my account info to. He has paid the money.”
“How much?”
“Wow,” she smiled. “That’s my boy!”

I didn’t bother to ask who the anonymous 450 sender was; I wasn’t interested.

“I guess I’ll just transfer it to your account. Give me the details.”
“No, keep it there. If I need money, I’ll ask.”

Hmmm… ayé dáadé.

Three minutes later.

“Hey, it’s a sin to not go for a swim now,” that was Phillips, handing ice creams to us.

He threw off his shirt and I was jealous at that point, I wished I had a body I would always want to show with some sexy six packs, maybe girls would’ve liked me more or maybe I would’ve just been too proud to mingle.

“You wanna swim too?” asked Toro.
“Oh no, not here,” not that I actually swam anywhere before though.

We watched others and were laughing till nighttime when this big dancing occurred by the pool and Toro did drag me there to waltz. People would never take me for a good dancer, I don’t blame them, I was always known as that political animal who was always contesting elections. But I am a good dancer even though my stature doesn’t reflect the effects well. I danced with Toro merrily, but not totally without the awareness that a number which I remembered to have been the number Mary wrote on her little paper was tirelessly calling me. Aunt Arike’s missed calls was mounding up on my log too.  The phone was in vibration, so I took it out and switched it off. Moments like that would matter mostly when threats threaten to destabilize tomorrow. When slow music was finally played and I swayed quietly with Toro’s head on my shoulder, I knew something was wrong about her; she was drunk and was blabbing nonsense in my ears.

At exactly 12.30am, Phillips drove us to a hotel which was seven blocks northward of the bar, said it was a good place to wake up in on the following morning, that since it was a holiday, I should have the best of it and not have the fear of Aunt Arike showing up at my door to complicate everything. That hotel was a money glutton but Phillips agreed to lend the money to me. That guy was supposed to be depressed because of his likelihood of being sacked; he was rather still himself, helpful and resourceful. How I liked him!

A dark fat guy who checked us in winked at me as I walked Toro upstairs to the room given to us. I think he thought I got her drunk to copulate with her or something, moron. So then Phillips turned around and left us alone. Everything sent up to us in the middle of that nightly morning was eaten by me alone, Toro fell asleep immediately I dropped her on the couch and she had puked all over her shirt.

I sat in the quiet neat room, too cold for my liking because of the air conditioner and wasn’t even interested yet in seeing to how to minimize the cold. I ate the barbecue I had sent up alone, had my last can of Maltina and sat back, looked at Toro in her unimaginably used up state. Her eyebrows were totally relaxed, her forehead, stainless steel smooth. The vomit’s stink filled the room but didn’t irritate me.

I stood at last and looked around, saw the bathroom, switched on the TV, minimized the cold, sat for a while, paced for a while, then it got to me like a fact from a reality show, she couldn’t wake up like that, I didn’t need Phillips to tell me that I needed to clean her up. I went to the couch on which she was quietly laid. I knelt before her and all her vomit. Who asked this girl to drink for God’s sake? She drank like almost a dozen of different bottles. I stretched my hand towards her chest, hesitated, and then tried again. I unbuttoned the shirt in a matter of seconds and a tube bra welcomed me. Firstly, I lifted her forward to rid her of the soaked shirt. Then I removed the tube bra. Then I unhooked the bra beneath the tube and slowly, with my manhood singing Oh Holy Night, I removed the bra and she was right there in front of me, braless. I was stimulated! Stimulated or what did I just say? I was mad! Not instantly sucking on her paired hemisphere was a difficult self-discipline borne of mysterious self-control. My hand was clumsily but eagerly on the belt of her jean, and that I unhooked too, successfully pulled off the jean and the panty, and then I lifted her unto my shoulder towards the adjacent door, no, not to rape her but to bathe her, dirty mind. Ptchewwww… She mumbled a couple of mumbo-jumbos in the process and I nearly hit her head against the bath but in my dripping attire, stupid me didn’t remember to put off my clothing, I successfully washed her. She was not that weighty; I took her to the bed and lay her gently on it after drying her up with a towel. Then I stood back and gazed, taking a picture swiftly crossed my mind but it went swiftly away like it came; such motive could be misunderstood, so I didn’t do it. I was crazy though, I was still calm. I went back to her and drew the cover cloth over her.

I phoned the room service to ask if laundry service was available, they said it was, a woman came and took my dampened clothing and Toro’s puke-soaked dresses away, guess everything would come with the bill, I wasn’t questioned on how much to pay.

Finally around 3 in the morning, I poured myself into one of the two pajamas available in the hotel wardrobe and slept on the sofa. It was a shrill scream at 10:41am that however jolted me out of the sofa, eight hours later. It was Toro. She screamed the moment she found herself naked.

“What did you do?” the stench of her judgment was overwhelming as she frantically demanded of me why she was naked.
“I didn’t do anything, I swear. Cool down now. You got really-really drunk yesterday and I—I—I didn’t know what else to do, you were really drunk—you spewed all over yourself, I couldn’t leave you to sleep in that, I had to—t—to… I had to send your dresses down for laundry.”
“Tunde, I am naked! Naked!” she flapped the sheet and looked underneath in knitted face for the umpteenth time.
“I know—I know, but I’m sorry, I closed my eyes when I did it, I promise, I didn’t look when I—when I did it.”

She couldn’t have heard that last “did it,” because it was very quiet. I talk that way when I’m lying.

“Wow! This is serious. Can you pass my dresses over now? What else did you do?”
“I swear, Toro, I didn’t do anything else. I promise. Our dresses are not returned yet, but I’ll get a nightgown for you from the wardrobe.”

I got it for her.

“Holy shit!” I heard her say as I looked at the opposite side as demanded. I really couldn’t laugh, if not that she seemed to be angry, I would’ve laughed, if truth be told.

After she was dressed up, she came to face me.

“Was I really that bad yesterday?” she asked remorsefully now.
“Like hell you were, really bad. You spewed all over yourself,” responded I the moment I figured what bad was supposed to mean in that sentence.
“Oh my God! You must have taken me for a drunkard now.”
“No—no, I don’t. I mean, you were drunk though but… hmmm, if you, ehm—”
“I’m not a drunkard. I hardly drink that hard, yesterday was just, I don’t know, but… I think… it was because I felt totally free with you.”

The way she said that “because I felt totally free with you” was that moment in a movie where the two lovers would quietly look at each other and a romantic song would be playing in the background and they would start to kiss. That was exactly what we wanted to do too but the door was knocked. It was the laundry woman; she was back with our clothing. I collected it and tipped her. She left.

“I’m sorry for the way I reacted earlier,” she was walking back to the bed, “I’m an ass. I should be grateful. Thank you, Tunde. Thanks for taking care of me. I love you.”

That was the first time she would ever say that she loves me and I tell you, the world responded by revolving aggressively around me and I thought I would fall. It was a beautiful moment and everything faded out, even her subsequent words. I lost few drops of tears and found my teeth displayed in joy. For God’s sake, she just said she loves me. Does anyone have the idea of how that was like for me? I have dated many girls but one thing I wasn’t used to getting from them was being told I’m loved verbally, in that sincere tone. Her voice came back when the pillow she threw at me got me in the face.

“You washed my ass without my permission! I think I’m nice enough to not sue you for trespassing into a private property—” Blah blah blah…

I walked slowly to her, held her hand as she knelt on the bed.

“You talk too much,” I mumbled as I shut her lips with mine. I joined her on the bed and we knelt opposite each other, she didn’t push me back. She only smiled and responded to the kissing and we were back at where we were before Teju disrupted the romantic moment the other day, and for the first time, we mated, flesh in flesh, soul in soul.

At that point in time, I would later learn, Aunt Arike was standing in front of my door at home, looking at the padlock in depressed face and Mary was quietly shedding tears over her phone, dialing my number and being continuously told that the number has been switched off.

Following hours passed on closed eyes and naked bodies under the cover of light cover cloths. It was a memorable adventure through terra incognita of spasms and orgasms, enhanced nervous activities and dream-come-true indescribable excitements. Nothing mattered to me as I lay there, eyes closed but awake, Toro’s head on the same pillow as I, and her hand on my slightly hairy chest. I was no more afraid of Mary, neither was I afraid of Aunt Arike; if I left their school, I had considered, it wouldn’t matter, Toro was a rich girl, she would only need to call friends up and I would have a new place to go. Fuck Mary! Fuck Aunt Arike! Fuck the school! Fuck the Registrar office!

I turned my head to feed on this rare beauty; she was asleep for real. Memories of earlier calisthenics flushed back to mind; I never knew any girl could be so sweet. I mean, was that my first coition in life? No. But that was inarguably my best. All my past girlfriends made me thought my mouth smelled bad when they repelled my kissing attempts but with Toro, it was magical as our souls connected soon after the tongues were interlocked. Then our hinds clutched and ejaculation seemed a myth for so long as I plunged, twisted, turned, thrust and slipped through her creamy wonderland.

Kenny loves Ronke, both are friends of mine, but at that moment, I was sure my love was stronger than theirs. I threw my right hand up under the cover, groped beneath to touch any part of her. I touched the belly, that sexy tummy, and from their I journeyed upward, and again what had always enchanted me, the twins, past those, my hand came into view, ran across her face without contact, then I brushed her brows softly, her hair, her lips, I was so fulfilled.

Slowly and carefully not to awake her, I rose to check what was in the fridge, and if the kitchen had anything edible at all. There were drinks in the fridge, can beers and juices. I checked the kitchen, well, nothing but utensils. I grabbed the phone, a hot coffee would do.

“Hey,” I heard Toro mumbled as she stretched on the bed.
“Hi,” I let the set lay back on the cradle, “you’re awake.”
“I am. What time is it now?”

I looked around, yes, there was a wall clock.

“Seven past two,” reported I.
“Oh my gosh!” She rose to a sitting position and her boobs flapped to the open, calling my rapt attention until she held the cover cloth to her chest and looked at me under her eyes.
“I’ve spoiled you now, haven’t I?” she asked jokingly.
“You indeed have, beyond repair,” I chuckled and she just simply put on a smiling face.

I picked up the set again and struck the number.

“Room service, what can we do to spike your day?”

I hate those customer engagement drills!

“Room 27, coffee for two. No, clean. Thank you.”
“Where’s my bra? Can you get my things for me please?”
“Huh—uh, let me… okay, here they are.”

I picked them from different locations.

“Thank you.”

I kept looking at her.

“I want to dress. Can you at least look away for a moment?”
“Huh, forgive me, I was… okay, I’ll just…” I turned to the fridge even though I had no intention of picking anything there. I was very happy. I was still shielded by the fridge’s door when she said, “there’s something we need to do.”

I closed the fridge and looked, I was hung in-between ‘what’ and ‘is it?’ She was in bra and pant alone now. She was straight judging by her uprightness but she wasn’t straight for God’s sake! She had these curves like the bulges of old Viking boats. She’s got these great moderate hips and I just couldn’t help but gaze in open mouth.

“What?” she seemed to be surprised. “You better get used to seeing me like this. Caution your this thing, it’s not every time I undress we must have sex, okay? You look like you’re really going to run over and devour me alive right now.”
“Oh no! I’m just… Toro—you’re—oh my… okay, what is it we must do?”
“We need to steal a car.”

I wasn’t sure I heard what she said; she was very fluent.

“I didn’t catch you.”
“I said we need to steal a car.”
“Steal a car?”
“Yes, my car.”
“Steal your car?”
“If something’s yours, why must we call it stealing again?”
“Because Teju must be looking for me right now, you know, he called dad and mum, everyone trying to reach me to know where I’ve been since Sunday. To take my car from that house, it’ll rather be called stealing because if they catch me, Tunde, you’re not going to see me for a long time. They’re going to drag my ass back to the US, or even worse, Paris.”
“So, you’ve left home since Sunday? But you just came here.”
“I was with my friend, Receny. You’ll see her today. Today is her birthday!”

I was short of words. The word ‘stealing’ naturally bolts me from the blue.

“Let us just shower and we’ll go to Lekki by commercials, okay?”

It sounded a great idea but kind of foolish or where’s the word, unintelligent perhaps? What if I was arrested for kidnapping or stealing or both? Why would she have left home for so long? While they must have been looking for her, I would now sneak into that house to steal her car again? What kind of behavior would that be? If these folks got me arrested, who would be happy to come for my bail?

Well, we bathed, dressed, checked out of the hotel, went to Lekki and climbed the fence together. The house looked quiet, there was no dog. The Cadillac I always wanted to own was at the right wing of the house. I sat in it and waited. Toro was supposed to go inside the house to get the key. I waited inside the car for five minutes, nothing. When the door finally opened, I was relieved, at least, until I saw who came out, a policeman and Teju. He was talking to the policeman and they were coming to my direction. Oh my…! I shrank into the seat to hide my face but I was captured, there was no way to hide, their voices were close now, closer now, closest… it was over, I rose back up to how I sat, I surrendered, but I only rose to find them sitting on the bonnet with their backs on me. Sub’anallah! I sat still, and stilled everything remained until a network-sent message entered my phone and my phone beeped. I planted myself deep behind the wheel immediately, couldn’t have known whether they looked at my direction again or not. Stupid phone, crazy MTN, I quickly silenced the phone but would they just ignore that? I was caught this time for real. I rose again and was suddenly bold and ready to argue that I didn’t kidnap his sister but his sister rather chose to be with me. Alas, they didn’t hear the beep as I feared; they were already walking towards the gate. There was a police vehicle outside. I didn’t see it since we didn’t jump in from that direction. Teju punched a password into the digitally locked gate and it opened, the policeman went outside and got into the vehicle where other policemen were seated waiting, and they sped off. Then Teju turned back to the house, he wasn’t looking happy. I hid my head again until I heard the sound of an opened and closed door. Then I continued to wait, I was sure he hadn’t caught Toro in the house, there would’ve been some noise if he had.

The other time, with the police officer, they were talking about Toro and the Policeman had asked about the teacher, Teju had told him that he had tried to call the proprietor, his number hadn’t been reachable, he had called the principal too, same thing. But never have I met him before until that Sunday, and of course I didn’t tell him where I worked, how could he have known I was a teacher? I was alarmed. Toro wasn’t out yet, and when I nervously hit the steering out of restlessness, a double honk of the horn blared into air so loudly. It scared me, and I thought I mistakenly touched something else; the roof suddenly furrowed off. And there, at the balcony where Toro had looked at me on Sunday was Teju, and he was so surprised and unsure of what or who he was seeing. At a great speed, he yanked himself back into the house, and I could hear the sound of great footfalls and things breaking, the door burst open almost immediately and a key went into the air.

“Kick!” I heard Toro barked as she threw the key at me and ran for the gate. Teju was out before I got how to start the Cadillac’s engine, and I looked to my right, Teju was running towards me, at my left far down, Toro was waving me on. I will lift up my eyes to the hills – from whence comes my help? My help comes from the—I pressed on the accelerator and a shrill squeal came from the tires as I got bumped forward and the gate slid open slowly, Toro jumped inside on the back seat and I looked back at Teju at the gate as I galloped into the street. His mouth was open. I also spotted Benedicta looking anxiously from the balcony upstairs.

“Find yourself a girlfriend instead of monitoring my life, idiot,” Toro wailed back at him. A turn we took to the right removed him totally from view and Toro was laughing so loudly then. I found myself laughing too. Such derring-do! What the hell! I had only seen events like that in films. I was so like Fast and Furious 7’s Jason Statham in that house, only like Jason Statham with the gentle mind of Titanic’s Leonardo DiCaprio.

We went to Receny’s birthday held on some beach in Banana Island, and for the first time in my life, I drank myself out. Rich kids were really fun to be with, truly. I danced so freely and since I was strange to the idea of how many bottles of champagne I was to take, I didn’t care. Cîrok, Hennessey, all sorts of cocktails, I just kept drinking, and at some point, my head began to throb, my eyes, faster than my brain, and I groped through the crowd, lay on the soil, the breeze of the sea rolling over me like a great wide carpet, I saw a blurred face of Toro smiling over me, and that was what I remembered last.

The next time I woke up, where I found myself was a familiar place and I smelled pepper soup. It was the hotel Toro and I slept in far back at my area. I heard the sound of some Olamide rap song and my head felt blank.

“Don’t worry, I closed my eyes when I washed you. Just like you did with me,” I heard Toro say.

I didn’t know where she was speaking from, neither did I understand what she was saying. I closed my eyes when I washed you, just like you—wait—I raised the cloth I was covered with on the bed and there my prick was, with dark markings. I pushed the cloth off totally and moved to the window to draw the curtains aside. I looked at my thing again and saw a tiny collection of words, “in closed eyes” scribbled unto my flesh.

“You really didn’t need to write on my one or two things, really,” I chuckled, knowing she was somewhere in the room, probably in the bathroom.
“Your what? One or two things?” she laughed so energetically I found myself laughing strenuously too.

Then my phone rang. It was Phillips.

“A write up is out in the school, you need to see it,” he said despairingly.

I wanted to ask if it was about me and say what write up was pasted when we were on break, but when my phone suddenly vibrated, I knew the battery was down.

“Who’s it?” I heard Toro asked.
“The battery died before I could pick the call, I’ll charge it a bit.”
“Charge mine too please. I’ll join presently.”

I gazed out through the window, for God’s sake, what write-up again?

....to be Continued!

Written by: Lord eBay (and his romantic adventures, 2016)
Twitter: @eBayism
Facebook: http://facebook.com/lescothafrica
Email: dearlordebay@gmail.com


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