How Tekno’s ‘Pana’ Made Me Lose My One Chance At True Love And Romance TrendyVoice

29 August 2016

How Tekno’s ‘Pana’ Made Me Lose My One Chance At True Love And Romance

Tekno is a mad man. That's the only name I can
use to describe what he does and passes it off as
music. He is a mad man that deserves to be locked
up in a house, where Nigerian pop lyricists can use
him as an experimental study to find out the part
of the brain responsible for the creation of those
'stupid lyrics' that just attacks your brain, erodes
all your sanity and your 'tushness', and leaves you
bumping and celebrating the most ludicrous of

Since I received the song 'Pana' in my email, there
has just been very little I can do to get it off my
head and chest. It has become a virus, eating away
at my health, and multiplying with each listen. It
weighs down my chest, with very little I can do to
expel air from my lungs without thinking of 'Folake
give me love oh'.

How does Tekno come up with this? How has he
been able to mix rudimentary pidgin lyrics and
melodies to such devastating effect?
Just this morning, on my way to work, I met a
special woman in the bus. I had left my home in
Ajah, Lagos, for an hour-long commute using the
danfo to work. The day was bright as usual, my
spirts were high, and I was well-groomed, with my
cocktail of perfumes announcing my presence
before I even show up anywhere. After fighting
through the Agberos, and locating a bus that the
passengers don't look like they all have guns and
jazz (voodoo) hidden underneath their garments, I
boarded the bus.
Scratch that. The only reason why I took that bus
was because I had seen a pretty woman, sitting
alone in the middle row. Her eyes looked like the
morning sun, her skin from afar reminded me of
expensive and exotic vanilla ice creams. I could feel
the taste of it in my lips, cold and warm at the
same time, sweet and sensual, and you know, very
sensual, with it dripping from my lips and
massaging my soul.
Sorry, I digress.

I swallowed a lump in my throat, and joined that
bus. Sharp guy that I am. Like magic, once I got in,
the bus got filled and we began the trip.
"Hello," I offered shakily. Her presence was

"Hi," she said, smiling slightly.

That was all the confirmation I needed. Her smile
felt like the sun had just risen, and all of Nigeria's
problems had been solved. In fact, if she had
smiled more, we would achieved world peace, and
ISIS would have laid down their arms and
embraced love. The love of the mystery lady taketh
away the war of the world.

So I went in. Her name was Angela, and she was on
her way to work in Lekki. She liked Ice Cream (of
course!), talked a little about music, and current
affairs. At some point, I made her laugh so hard
that she touched my arm, and I felt my bow-leg
straighten, and all my diseases healed. Her touch
is from heaven. I knew I had found true love. Love
at first touch.

Just then she had a call, and stayed on it for a
while. And that was the break I needed to find a
new topic to discuss. I plugged in my headphones,
and played the first song on my playlist.
Unfortunately, it was Tekno's 'Pana'.

"Folake give me love oh, na you dey catch my shot
oh…" the song possessed me again.

When she was done with the call, she simply gave
another light touch to signal that she still had
interest in my company.

I took off the headphones, and said "Folake are you
And that was where everything went downhill. I
had called Angela, my sweet Angela, Folake.

Women don't like being made 'unspecial' with
something as simple as a name.

"What?" she said, "How can you forget my name,
we just met!", Angela had become slightly pissed.

"Please I am sorry, it is not intentional, it is a
mistake. It is Tekno's fault." I tried to push the
blame. Another big mistake.

"You are a joker. Tekno? Is that the best you can
do? What kind of guy fails to take responsibility
and shifts the blame to Tekno? Tekno of all people.
That's weak man. That's weak."

Nothing I said worked again. Fola…sorry,…
Angelina, stopped talking and simply plugged in
her earphones, and began to play loud music. The
little sound that escaped from the plugs, sounded
a lot like a hymn 'then sings my soul, my savior all
to thee". It was a Christian hymn, dedicated to
God. She had gone back to loving Jesus Christ. Her
lord and personal savior. I can't compete with that.

I can't claim to have died for her sins. I can't even
die for my sins sef. Mtcheew.
But truly it was all Tekno's fault. If only he didn't
start his new hit song with that title, then I could
have collected her number, and began what I am
sure will be my shot at true love. This was my one
chance to enjoy love, and Tekno snuffed it. Took it
from me, and now I am alone. Alone, with no

The rest of the journey was weird and
uncomfortable, and at Lekki we both came down.
Angelina still had songs about her love for Christ
playing as she walked away from me, forever. I had
played myself.

Just then at that moment, I made the resolve;
whenever I see Tekno again, I will beat him up. He
cannot be ruining my life and still be making
money. We will fight. I cannot take it!!!


  1. lolsss... tekno is in trouble...
    nt his fault tho

    1. Debby its really not his fault, the track is just a hit!


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