My Virgin Cougar - Episode 7 TrendyVoice

19 May 2016

My Virgin Cougar - Episode 7

"Hello, who's on the line?" Mr. Williams said.
How will I introduce myself to Mr. Williams? 'Good
Evening Sir, I'm your Wife's friend' or what will I
say? As I was thinking of what to say I just
remembered the Abokis, Abokis are known for
calling wrong numbers yeah?
I know how to speak Hausa to some extent, so I
went from Fresh UNILAG Boy to an Illiterate Hausa
real quick. I scattered Hausa for the man and
pretended I didn't know how to speak English, I
bemused him and he dropped the call.
Mrs. Williams didn't save my number! As I
thought about this I snapped my finger like 'yeah!
That's right!' If she saved my number that trick
wouldn't work, it broke my heart but on the other
hand it saved me, so it's cool.
I had my earpiece on, I put the world on silent and
my song in the highest volume. With my clouded
mind and my loud song I was going to my hostel. I
was jamming to 'Wicked Games' by The Weeknd
(you know the song yeah?), as I was listening to
this song I was thinking about everything.
I thought about Mrs. Williams, I thought about
Vanessa, I thought about the new almighty Lola I
just had new experience with. I thought about my
Life, I thought about what I really want. Am I
confused? Am I searching for Love or for Lust? I
thought about the possible future Mrs. Williams
and I could have together, I thought about the
possibility of Mrs. Williams's son being someone I
know, since we stay in the same hostel. I thought
about the circle I just entered, the Lola and
Vanessa's circle, I know it is all fun for now, but
the latter might be horrible, when real jealousy
sets in, (we all know babes can be really dramatic
when jealous).
The song you listen to has a lot of influence on
your thoughts unno? I was probably thinking
about that because of the song I was listening to. I
was so deep in my thoughts I wasn't even really
listening to the song again, I was dead to my
environment, and I was completely lost in my
I was about entering my hostel when one of my
friends, PrinceEasy, tapped me from behind; I
didn't even see him before. I was quite frightened
when he tapped me, the tap brought me back to
life, he was saying some things I couldn't hear,
like he was talking to a deaf man, my earpiece was
plugged to my ears na, so I didn't hear what he
was saying. He looked super excited, he was
greatly agitated.
'PrinceEasy, wassup? Wetin dey happen?' I asked
him to know the reason behind his fly mood.
PrinceEasy has been my nigga from day one in
school, he was like the first friend I made in
school, he tells me almost everything happening
to him, I'm a bit reserved, I don't usually tell
people what's happening to me till I know I can no
longer hide it.
He looked at me like what's wrong with this one
that he is talking like someone that wants to faint,
he must have noticed I was not in the right mood,
but at that moment he didn't care. All he wanted
was to tell me what he had done in the night. With
the way he was doing, I knew he must have done
something really crazy or something he has been
wishing to do but I was just looking at him like 'if
only you know what I've done tonight, you will
know you didn't do sh*t'

"Baba, I've done many things tonight o" I looked
at him like 'and so? After that nko?' but still he did
not care, he was just excited, he was acting like I'd
jump up after telling me what he did. My mood
was too fucked up to be curious, I was thinking
about me.
I shouldn't be having mood swing; I should be in a
very fly mood. I mean the mood I pictured myself
after doing all I had done in that night was a fly
guy mood, I pictured myself walking back to my
hostel like I own the world, with Kanye West kind
of swag. But it was the direct opposite; I was just
walking back to my hostel like they stole my
plantain. I didn't know why I was feeling like that
but I couldn't help it.
I just managed to ask him what was happening,
that was how he scattered the gist for me; it was
about him and Sandra. We actually met Sandra in
a club; she was a crazy girl when we met her,
party animal and fun loving. PrinceEasy and I met
her at the same time, I actually wanted to set her
p that night but my Nigga, PrinceEasy outwitted
me. I didn't bother, it's one of those things Niggas
do to Niggas.
Because PrinceEasy wanted to gain admission into
Sandra's Institution of Honey, he became a fool for
her, he spent a lot, and he did a lot. Sandra is one
of those kinds of babes that any Nigga would want
to hit, you know there are some babes you just
want to hit, and you know you'd die of heartache if
you make them your girlfriend. Nobody needs to
tell you, you know falling in love with them is
falling in your own grave.
Sandra was one of those babes that when you
meet her, she seems like an easy catch but it
wasn't like that for my Nigga. She really stressed
and extorted him; it was all fine with him since he
was pursuing something, but something very
dramatic happened.
Sandra gave her life to Jesus Christ!!! My
Goodness! She was the fire in every party; an
Impotent Nigga would gain his potency if she
grinds him. No jokes, she all of a suddenly turned
a new leaf, we thought she had started one of her
"I want to be like Genevieve" moves, we thought
she was acting. But, she wasn't forming it, we
actually confirmed ourselves. Bad Girl Gone Good,
She became Rihanna's opposite. She used to be all
about club, banging, and smoking shit up! Now
she's all about Church; she used to be all about
things of the world now she is all about celestial
(heavenly) things.
The day I knew she has really turned to something
else was when my friends (PrinceEasy inclusive)
and I were coming from somewhere in the school
when we noticed a group of sisters singing behind
us, Sandra was among, infact na she dey front!
She was singing out loud, she was singing like
heavens were going to fall, as she was singing,
she spoke in tongues too. "Who are these Choir
Mistresses again?" one of us said, I just stylishly
looked back to see the girls singing, Lo and behold
it was Sandra and her other sisters in the Lord, as I
saw her I called Easy too.
The look on PrinceEasy's face was priceless, when
we saw the way he looked at her we laughed out
loud. She stopped singing when she saw us
laughing. She increased her pace and caught up
with us. She walked up to us and this babe started
preaching to all of us, we were like 5, that day I
was amazed, I was just looking at her mouth while
she was talking like 'wow, after all you've done
with this mouth, word of God can still come out of

Since then PrinceEasy's dream of banging her and
running away died. They became just friends later
(you know sometimes you'd have spent too much
on a babe and you won't just want to watch her
go, just like that.), she used to take him to
fellowship a lot, and she was having positive
influence on him, take him to library and all that.
Though they later started dating, the No Kiss, No
Sex kind of relationship and they were enjoying
the relationship, according to him.
What PrinceEasy told me he did that night was he
kissed Sandra, it shouldn't be a big deal but it was
to him, even to me, because Sandra wasn't really
into all those things anymore. He was about
gisting me how he the kiss happened when my
phone rang. Who's the caller? (Don't worry I'm not
ending this episode here, we are still rolling… LOL)
I wished it was Mrs. Williams that called back but
it was Vanessa that called. I picked up "Vanessa,
wassup?" She sounded normal; I thought she
wanted to para about what happened between
Lola and me.
"Have you checked your pocket? Don't you know
you're forgetting something?" as she said this, I
quickly checked my pocket, what am I forgetting??
Oh!! Fuck me!!! I forgot my wallet in her room; it
must have dropped from my trousers, at that
moment I really wanted to die.
I couldn't go back to her place again; I was too
weak to do that. "Baby please can you help me
bring it to my hostel, please". I knew she wouldn't
bring it, she would want me to come take it
myself, and maybe we'd finish what her boyfriend
interrupted earlier.
"You don't know bringers; you better come and
take your wallet if you need it" what am I going to
do now? I was still thinking of what to do when my
friend asked me if I was just coming from
Vanessa's place. I just answered yes and didn't
say anything after.
"So Vanessa's place is where you're coming from?
Is that why you're looking like someone that wants
to die? She has drained all your energies again, na
this babe go kill you last last" I ignored whatever
he said and told him to continue with the gist of
how he got his Spiritually Tight Girlfriend to kiss
him when Lola called me.

He heard how the conversation went, he noticed
something, I'm sure he was confused because I
just told him I went to see Vanessa, why did Lola
call me? Why were we planning another meeting?
Because when she called me I told her I'd busy for
the rest of the week.
"My Nigga! how far? Who called you again?" at
this point, I had to spill everything I did that night.
So I picked up the gist and threw it at him, but I
didn't tell him about Mrs. Williams.
He started whining me "ahh! You be chairman o,
so only you! You dey with 2 babes for one bed!" he
continued whining, "Ba Ba Ba baddest". After all
the whining he said, "Now I know why you're this
dull! Vanessa only is death to you, adding a friend
is your end, just go upstairs, shower and make
sure you drink milk before you sleep, and don't
forget the assignment we are to submit by 8a.m o,
have you done it?"
I begged him to help me with the assignment, I
pretended I was really down, he agreed to help me
with the assignment. He wanted to follow me to
my room but his girlfriend, Sandra, called him to
come and collect food, so he left.
Immediately I got to my room, I went to shower
and brush my teeth. I went to the bathroom with
my toothpaste, because I knew I would want to
wash my teeth more than once, I knew I had to
scrub my tongue very well. My mouth has been to
many places, many corners… I had to wash it very
After shower, I plugged my phone to the charger
and went to bed. My night was peaceful, nothing
disturbed me, I'm sure you guys heard about bed
bug invasion in UNILAG, that night I didn't feel bed
bug, I slept well.

It took me time before I could get out of bed but I
did, eventually. I went for my classes and all that.
After my class, I told my friends to follow me to
Vanessa's place that I forgot my wallet in her
place, on our way I also told them about last night.
When we got to Vanessa's place, I called her to
come outside, she thought I was alone initially she
wanted me to come inside, I told her I was with
friends that she has to come downstairs, with my
While we were waiting for her, Lola was just
coming from school, she looked really stressed,
like she had to fight devil during the day and all
her make-up had worn out. She wasn't all that
beautiful when I saw her, like her beauty faded, all
I saw was her ass. Seeing her ass again made me
think of hitting her again, I thought about doggie,
doggie with that kind of ass would be a lifetime
As she saw me outside, I think Vanessa had told
her I forgot my wallet with her, she asked if that
was what I came to get, she also told me she
denied me entering her room after we left
Vanessa's room. "I need to rush upstairs and
shower, I'm really tired" she looked really tired
too; she left and went to her room. She must have
met Vanessa on her way, because few seconds
after she left Vanessa came.
She knows most of my friends, after greeting
them and giving them side hugs, she greeted me
like I own her, she hugged me like she wanted to
glue her breasts to my chest, I loved the feel of her
airbags on me, I hugged her tighter, like I've
missed her too.
"Big Head, the rubbish you were doing last night
made you forget your wallet" I looked at her like I
was totally confused, like I didn't get what she was
saying. I collected my wallet from her; I knew she
couldn't take from my money so I didn't bother to
We talked about some things; we talked about
when we would see again, I told her I'd be busy for
the rest of the week, like I told Lola. She wanted to
start talking about last night, I reminded her my
friends were with me, and I wouldn't like to keep
them waiting, 'Baby let's talk about this later, I'll
call you' I said to her and kissed her on her cheek,
that was me saying goodbye, as I turned my back,
she said she knows I won't call her. I knew I
wouldn't call her, I just said that to excuse myself.
Getting back to school, my friends went to their
hostel, only PrinceEasy and I stay in the same
hostel, but not the same room though. I went to
my room and looked for what to eat…
All through that day Mrs. Williams didn't call me,
and every time my phone rang I wished she was
the one calling. The first day went like that, the
second day again she didn't call, no call, no text,
nothing from her at all.
I wished I could call her, but I just couldn't. The
third day, I waited for her call, or her text, still I
received nothing. When the fourth day was almost
ending I wished I knew her Son, I would have gone
to ask him 'How's your Mum? She has not called
me in 4 days, hope all is well?'
That was me thinking, the fifth day was going….
By then I couldn't take it anymore, I knew I had to
call her, but not any time after 8p.m tho, I didn't
want Mr. I-Can-Pick-My-Wife's Call, Mr. Williams to
pick up again.
When it was exactly 4'O clock in the evening, I
called her. Guess who picked the call again?
Mr. Williams???!!! No jhur, it was not Mr.
Williams…. As I called the number this is what I
"The MTN Number you're trying to Call is currently
switched off, please try again later"
As the call ended, my heartache started, like a
spear was thrown to my heart, at that moment if I
saw a naked hottie, my Abraham staff wouldn't
perform any magic. I could feel my heart bleeding.

What's going to happen?
Just let me go and shower, and think through in
the bathroom. I took longer than I should in the
bathroom, I was just thinking, what if her number
never goes through again, how will I see her
again? As I was thinking about this I remembered
the card she gave me has her Office Number on it.
Let me just call her office.
Quickly, I showered and rushed to my room,
searched my locker, searched everywhere, I
couldn't find the card she gave me again. I asked
my roommates if they saw any card lying in the
room. Nobody did, Card was gone, and her
number wasn't going through.
Later that day I tried to call her again, she was still
switched off, the next day I tried to call her again;
her number was still switched off. The next day I
tried to call her again, same thing, she was still
switched off.
What's going to happen? Is that how I won't see
Mrs. Williams again? Is that how Mrs. Williams's
path and mine will never cross again?

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